btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Are we still banned from the library?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
