Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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