tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize