Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
