u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
