Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize