He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
