remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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