He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
