I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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