JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
