he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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