Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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