ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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