Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
