woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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