what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
