Tell her she can't have a vagina
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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