Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
