Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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