i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize