3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
