he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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