my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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