Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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