The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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