Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
