Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
