I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
