i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
