The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is my gift to your gina
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
