I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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