It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
