plz talk dirty to me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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