No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
