drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
