Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize