So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
