grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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