She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
