why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
