I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
