Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
