So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
