I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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