I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
