I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
