I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
