Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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