I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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