Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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