I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
