if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
