I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
