yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
