Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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