did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
