I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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