Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
