I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
