ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
