just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
