From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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