Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
