What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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