when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
