It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
